Duke Nukem Forever aka Blue Balls: The Game

      What can I say about this turd that hasn't already been said? We've waited years to play a shitty game. The game is just fucking boring and linear. The game has no redeeming qualities and is a chore to play. You may ask "Why bother playing it then?" and I would respond "hope." I played this game to the end hoping it would get better, but it never did. This game did everything wrong; the shooting, the driving, the platforming and everything else is just horrible. It pains me to be so harsh because I loved the original Duke 3D, but this game is just terrible. I am going to list some of this game's faults:

• The combat sucks, because enemies feel like sponges that just take a lot of damage without reacting to it.
• The two weapon system is garbage, along with your weapon variety. You've been developing the game for years and yet you can't even bring out a new good weapon. That is just pathetic.
• The driving is garbage, because it is just boring and annoying.
• The story sucks, and nobody cares about the paper thin plot, so stop putting invisible walls everywhere and let me punch any asshole kid that gets in my way. I am playing a Duke Nukem not a crossing guard.
• Speaking of invisible walls; this game is too linear, and that just makes it boring. There is only one way to do things, and that is the most boring way possible.
• The strip club is out of place. You get knocked out, and end up at a strip club somehow. Don't get me wrong, the strip club is a staple in the Duke Nukem games, but the implementation was poor. It should be part of a mission hub, and not a level with a fetch quest.

        This game could've been a lot better, but the devs or the designer decided to fuck it up. Notice that I never mentioned the graphics, because they may suck, but it was known for a long time that they were using the unreal engine 2.5. The game didn't have to suck this bad, but sadly it does. They should've just added a strip club to Wolfenstein, and called it Duke Nukem; because even though Wolfenstein was bad, it is still a better game than Duke Nukem Forever.


        If anyone from Gearbox or the ashes of 3D realms is reading this; I want you to know that I do want another Duke Nukem game, but it has to be done right. Plan the game before you make it, and have set deadlines. If you can't do that then you don't deserve to be living off of your publishers, and should go independent. Lastly it shouldn't take 15 years to produce a game with a budget and team like yours. Any crappy studio can pump out a crappy game in two years or less, but it took you 15 to do the same. Remove the restrictions that you are placing on yourself and on gamers, and make something great.